ESL Names for the Sake of the Pun

It’s a joy teaching ESL students,
Whose names reflect various cultures,
But, what Americans do to foreigners’ names
Is normally done by vultures.

Yet, even teachers who practice the names
Hear things that sound sort of funny,
If the names below sound like fun and games,
It’s mostly because they are pun-ny.

I have a boy named MA, a girl named PA,
Three boys in one class named SUE.
HER is a him, HEM is a her,
A ME, a MAI, and a YEU.

A MAN, who’s a lady, a childless MOM,
A TOUNH who can SING a SONG,
A CESAR, not a salad, A ROMAN, not Italian,
Two cooks (KOK, CUOC) and a LAO who is Hmong.

Turn steak with a NOUTHONG, savor the TAING,
Shake hands with a Lao named SAIGON,
If you wish for a fish, we feature LITHOUNA,
Served gladly by a tiny KINGKHAM.

Hey, diddle, diddle, try a math riddle.
What will your answer be?
Add a LE to a LEE, plus TOU LEE,
The answer’s not four LEE’S, but three.

For religious folk of King James persuasion,
There’s a YEE, a NAY, and a LO!
From LABEN to the gospel of MARK,
From ALPHA, to his sister, OMEGA.

A first-class princess, whose family is POR,
But the student from Georgia’s just PHO,
A BEE with no sting, a LOC, but no door,
A kid five feet tall who is LO.

A KER, a HER, a DER, and a GER,
A PO, KHO, LO, and a ME,
A VANG, a PANG, a HANG, SANG, YANG,
A GEE,–and a BEE, VEE, DY.

CHAK that can talk, a CHUM who’s a pal,
Two boys, when they’re old still NOU,
If you’re lost, CHEK our MAP, but don’t look around
For Buster Brown’s THY in your shoe.

A poem, like a sundae, is finally complete
When a red cherry crowns the top,
Two student surnames NAN/THA/VONG/DOUANG/SY,
And IN/PRA/VONG/VIENG/KHAM share that spot.

There’s MOR, much more, but I don’t want to bore,
Or try any tricks to amaze you.
I’ll end with a boy who is really a KAO,
And an OLAY! from Southeast Asia.

An ESL Knock-knock Joke

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Chenda.
Chenda Hou?
Yes.